i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
