Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize