FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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