you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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