he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
