If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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