Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im part way to drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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