seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
