I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
