wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
