I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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