I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
