i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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