I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
