Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
