yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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