I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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