She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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