dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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