Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize