and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
