Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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