So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
