So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she woke up with a sticky ear
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
