i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
