Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
