3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
