1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
