Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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