Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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