i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
