I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
