girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
