you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
