It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
