I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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