Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
