I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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