haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
