My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
