I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
