i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
