I think my fart just growled at me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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