never play flip cup with pint glasses
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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