i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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