he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
