she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
