Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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