I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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