i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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