I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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