My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
