He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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