I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
