just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize