I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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