we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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