im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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