It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
