Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
