Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
